The Myths of Homeschooling #4 (Conclusion)
September 27, 2005
Posted by Dan Edelen in : Best of Cerulean Sanctum, Cerulean Sanctum Series, Christianity in North America, Homeschooling, Judgmentalism Functions : Trackback,
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In concluding this series (which previously was found in three parts: 1, 2, and 3), I'd like to reference a reply I made in the comments section of my last post to explain my rationale for taking on these myths:
[H]omeschool is being used like a set of brass knuckles to the jaws of some parents out there. They are being crushed by guilt for not homeschooling or are being likened to being sinners or profligate parents for not homeschooling. Those folks know who they are and I hope they're reading this and seeing that homeschool is not the be all and end all of life. I also want those parents who are homeschooling their kids to know how to work the land or raise animals that they are not freaks for doing so.
I meet people like that and they are indeed hurting. They hurt even more because they are good Christian people many times and yet their own churches are labeling them because they either don't homeschool or they think some things are more important than understanding Plato's dancing shadows.
I see the moms with seven kids who are homeschooling them all. They get all the accolades anymore. Good for them. But what about the mom who can't homeschool because her ailing parents take up all her time? Then to have people berate her for it! That disgusts me! And I've seen that happen.
Homeschooling is being increasingly used as a ruler by which to measure people and judge their fitness as parents. If you don't see that, then count yourself lucky that you live in a place where people don't do that. I don't live in that place. Despite living all over the Midwest and California, I've never lived in a place where homeschooling wasn't used to judge people.
All I want is to tone down the rhetoric; it's hurting people. It's also forcing people into homeschooling who are not equipped or are overburdened already. If keeping up with the homeschooling Joneses is what it is coming down to, then we need to offer people more grace to pursue other options without feeling like the spawn of hell.
That's all that this series is about. Hopefully, the people who need to hear this are getting the message.
I've had a lot of arguments tossed at me during this series. Several comments, weblinks, and e-mails have said that what I've witnessed in my eighteen years of watching the homeschooling movement simply isn't true. 
Others have said that they've never seen some of the behaviors I've talked about.
My challenge to those folks is to look around, to step out of the hype for a few seconds and get to the root of many of the messages and behaviors espoused in the homeschooling movement. There are some scary things going on in homeschooling circles and we choose to ignore them at our own peril—and to the peril of the very people I referenced in my quoted comment above.
Listen to the fact that some women no longer introduce themselves as "a mom of four kids," but as "a homeschooling mom of four kids," as if the "homeschooling" tag must be added in order to ratchet up the standard of successful parenthood one more notch. There's something prideful and competitive about that. Notice, too, what happens when a group of homeschooling parents encounters parents who do not homeschool. Watch the social dynamic. Look at people's faces. Watch the reactions by the homeschoolers versus the non-homeschoolers. The societal pressure is obvious, especially in Christians.
This extends to the way the myths I've featured in this series are used to beat people down in a new kind of social class ranking. That stratification extends even to homeschoolers, as various teaching methodologies gain or lose traction. With the rise of classical education within homeschooling ranks, other methods have been relegated to lower positions as if there's a right and wrong way to present knowledge.
Some of this is a reaction against educational methodologies originally made popular in the public schools. With all things related to public school under massive scrutiny by homeschooling advocates, anything that smacks of public school is subject to scorn. John Holt's educational ideas that form the backbone of the "unschooling" movement were highly popular in public schools in the late 60s and early 70s and some homeschooling parents naturally look at them as suspect. Other homeschooling parents who were not exposed to Holt in public school practice are more willing to use his ideas. This, of course, will bring conflict to a massing of homeschooling groups where one methodology is preferred to another. Stick classicists with unschoolers and let them have at it—the results are sadly interesting, to say the least.
In conclusion, I want to make a few points.
Homeschooling is not for everyone. We need to be more accepting of those families who choose not to homeschool. In 99% of cases, they are not helmed by bad parents. In fact, those parents may be doing their children a favor by acknowledging their own weaknesses in teaching. One of the backbone beliefs of the homeschooling movement is that parents know their own kids best. Then why do some homeschool advocates lambaste parents who believe their children would thrive in a non-homeschooled environment? I have a lot of respect for parents who acknowledge their own insufficiencies to meet their child's educational needs. Most parents out there WILL start struggling with teaching once a child gets beyond a seventh grade education. We resist thinking that the world has changed, but a lot of knowledge has been added or has filtered down to lower grade levels since we were in school. Do we persist in homeschooling beyond a certain level for the right reasons, or do we capitulate to peer pressure and pride? Just asking.
No one educational method reigns. Frankly, I believe that anyone homeschooling to a lone methodology (e.g. - classical, unschooling, behavioral, etc.) is robbing their kids of a broad-based education. That goes for private and public schools, too. There is no magic bullet. Teaching kids to think for themselves is great, but that's not what the business world wants, quite honestly. Which world do we teach to then? That same idea extends to other realms. How we accommodate what is valued in our society today is still important. Creating a "superkid" who lacks the ability to conform what he's learned into the greater society is asking for another Todd Marinovich-type burnout. Tunnel vision here is dangerous, and there are plenty of homeschoolers who have narrowed their teaching to such a laser-like focus that I wonder how their kids will cope when their entire education winds up being the square peg in society's round hole.
Don't despise the basics. In our rush to turn our kids into quantum physicists who will unite both the particle and wave models of the universe, we may well be creating children who can't feed themselves. With globalization opening up American workers to foreign competition, our children will not be able to compete on an equal playing field if money is solely the bottom line. It would be wise of us to acknowledge this truth and prepare our children for a very different work future than the one we faced at the same age. Engineers in the US are finding that they can't convince their kids to go into engineering and this is a shock to them; perhaps the kids are smarter than they are given credit, considering that many of them would rather work for less pay than face the perpetual layoff cycle they saw their parents go through. In light of this, I firmly believe that instructing our children in a locally-needed trade may be the best work prep we can offer our kids. If we subsequently add into this mix an understanding of the land, animal husbandry, and small farm techniques, we can ensure them a better future than the one that is already upon us. Remember, THAT was a biblical education in the days of Jesus. While it is true that we need the educational superstars to continue to build the next-generation medical devices and such, increasingly those superstars are not going to be Americans. Honestly, Americans may not be able to afford to send their kids to college with the rate tuition is increasing, so other avenues must be explored. We need to prepare our kids differently for a different future.
God is a God of grace. If we firmly believe that He is in control, then we will entrust the care of the children He's given us—children that are not ours, but His—to Him and Him alone. How that plays out in your children's educations is something God alone can deliver. And that may NOT include homeschooling. We should not limit God on how He can work in our children's educations. Nor should we enforce our will on other parents. God deals with all of us in different ways. We should not judge people on whether they homeschool or not, especially if we are not vehicles of grace to accept their decision or help them move into a homeschooling model if the toughness of living is making it hard for them to do so. We've made homeschooling a millstone around the necks of parents and children alike, and the Lord is not in the millstone necklace business.
Education is not the path to salvation. Ironically, it is the very secular humanists that Christians vigorously oppose who truly believe that premise. However, as much as Christians say that is not them, George Barna recently showed otherwise. In one of his published studies, Barna showed that Evangelical parents were more interested that their kids got a good education than that their kids followed Christ. Folks, that's a devilishly misplaced priority! Homeschooling, like anything else, can become an idol. God would much prefer a non-scholar with a heart that burns for Him than a Nobel-winning scientist who claims He does not exist. That's where our focus should be, raising kids for Christ, no matter where they go to school.
Thanks for reading through this series. I hope the gang now preparing the tar and feathers will graciously reconsider.
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No tar and feathers, Dan . . .
I was thinking the rack might be more appropriate.
Just kidding!
I’m a parent with 2 kids in public school and 2 in private Christian school. I’m starting negotiations with my wife to have a fifth child so we can homeschool the little one, just so I’ll have all my educational bases covered.
wink wink
Seriously, this was a thought-provoking series. How do you find time to write and research these things?
I don’t see the “chief end” of education here, Dan… ::taps foot impatiently::
Oh! I just had a thought about this whole series and the number of (good!) points you made in it: twenty years ago the situation was exactly the inverse of this (aside from enrollment percentages): it was the homeschoolers who were consistently berated and made to feel like bad parents. Could it be that over the years they’ve succumbed to the temptation to live by the not-so-golden rule? “Do unto others as others do to you.” Sad, but perhaps there’s some truth there. =/
“Listen to the fact that some women no longer introduce themselves as ‘a mom of four kids,’ but as ‘a homeschooling mom of four kids,’ as if the ‘homeschooling’ tag must be added in order to ratchet up the standard of successful parenthood one more notch. There’s something prideful and competitive about that.”
Right, Dan. =p Oh, you’re not rushing into judgment there, no sir…
Could it simply be that there’s understood to be a different dynamic at work in a homeschooling household (much as the purpose behind introducing yourself with the number of your children, your gender, or your parental or marital status)? Naw, it couldn’t be that…
Travis,
I just finished up attending a meeting of almost 750 women and I saw the faces of the non-homeschool moms when the homeschooling moms purposefully dropped the word “homeschooling” in their descriptions of themselves. It really is creating a dichotomy between the “perfect” moms and the “not-so-perfect” moms. We need to be sensitive to that. I’m pointing it out for the very reason that no one else is. It’s something we need to start thinking about.
Well that’s understandable, and it’s good to be concerned for how non-homeschooling moms are feeling. I didn’t mean to contradict any of that.
What I was pointing out is that when party a says something near party b, you can’t say party a was prideful and competitive simply because party b felt humiliated. It may very well be that party a is prideful; but party b’s feelings are not a sufficient measure of party a’s intent.
Dan Edelen: �preparing the tar and feathers�
I for one am not. I have neither tar nor feathers, nor a pillory, nor rotten tomatoes. Nor would I use them if I did.
But I very much would like your take on public schools. One question, for example, I’d like to see you really tackle is “how do xtians parents go about de-programming their children, given all secularist indoctrination that often goes on in the public school system”.
Would deprogramming go something like this:
“Yes, Johnny, I know your social studies teacher has told you that �fundamentalist� xtians are dangerous extremists, that the Bible is mythological and made up by ignorant, primitive men, and that marriage is nothing but a �social convention�, but …”
Anyhow, Dan, I am very curious to know.
We don’t agree on everything, but we’re pretty close. Your last paragraph is a winner and something we should all agree on. A good way to close your thoughts.
Oengus,
Despite the fact that public schools are often pictured as bastions of top secret curricula never intended for parental viewing, I’ve found that most public schools are fairly open about the curricula and texts they use. Any semi-interested parent could see where the curricula stumbles and respond accordingly.
Dan…
Wow. And wow.
I must tell you declared a school emergency this morning to finish reading this series, and all the comments. Just one of the benefits of being the teacher, and the district administrator, all rolled into one.
I have to say, hands down, this is THE most beneficial, and realistic picture I’ve ever read, of the reality of MUCH of the Christian HS community.
I need to respond this, but it’s going to be at least 2 miles long, so I’m going to take the liberty of responding to it, point by fantastic point, at my blog (maybe I’ll even post my response at my homeschool blog too?).
Thank you so much for this, it was WELL needed, and even made me laugh, several times.
Good work.
SDG,
Carla
Dan: “I’ve found that most public schools are fairly open about the curricula and texts they use.”
Well, that’s wonderful good news! I do wonder about what parts of the country it holds true in. But I am sincerely glad that parents need not worry, at least where you are
By the way, the stuff that little Johnny was getting shoved down his throat was based on what I was subjected to during my time in the public schools, at least where I was. Yes, I fondly remember Mr. Zupanic waving his copy of “The Naked Ape” telling everyone in his H.S. class that marriage was a farce, that we all are merely big hairless primates. (I wonder what his wife thought of such things?)
Also, folks, do you concur with Dan’s estimation of our public school system? Speak up about your experiences there for both you and your children. Are things okay where you are?
I agree with Carla (as I do on many issues). Thank you for this.
You should see some of the looks on faces of friends when I tell them my 16 year old daughter will enter the public school system in 2006. It isn’t pretty.
Oengus,
I pretty much agree with him. I’ve seen entirely too many people homeschooling when they shouldn’t be. My younger sister, for example, didn’t graduate high school until she was 23 or so; she’s homeschooled her children and is homeschooling the ones left at home. Her own fear and hatred of math she has passed on to her children. It wasn’t native to them; they learned to hate math.
Otoh, the public school system has issues too. Go read http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/chapters/index.htm if you want an eye-opener on that system.
Thanks for reading through this series. I hope the gang now preparing the tar and feathers will graciously reconsider.
Well certainly I can think of better use for the tar… and the feathers come to think of it.
The homeschool stuff you’re talking about is something I witnessed about 11 years ago. It’s soooo over from where I’m sitting. Maybe that’s just an Ohio thing, maybe it’s a Catholic thing, but I’m not relating currently to much of what you are talking about.
As for introducing myself as a homeschool mom of whatever… it’s just a descriptor. I use to introduce myself as a dancer, a musician, a director of medical records etc. Those were just ways to describe my occupation nothing more, nothing less.
Anonymous: “I pretty much agree with him. I’ve seen entirely too many people homeschooling when they shouldn’t be.”
I don’t think I would disagree with too much of what Dan has been pointing out about some aspects of home-schooling. I am just trying to get at two things:
(1) Why did xtians start home-schooling to begin with?
(2) And for those who don’t home-school, what exactly should they do to counter-act the inculcation of secularistic thinking that often goes on the education system?
On #1 above, in the case of at least one family I knew, the answer was they didn’t want their kids ending up being “stuck on stupid”. And furthermore, they didn’t want them to grow up to be nice little bohemian atheists, living a “Bonobo Life Style”, to put it in so many words if crudely. I know that in their particular case, their kids have grown up and have turned out quite well. But of course, I am not saying this proves that all parents must, should, or can home-school.
Which brings me to item #2. Dan seems to be suggesting that everything is really okay. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about in sending one’s children to public schools. I am a little unconvinced though. If everything was really okay, why did a number of people start home-schooling to begin with? They must have been concerned about something they were seeing, weren’t they?
Oengus,
All I am saying is that blanket condemnations (be they of public, private, charter, or homeschools) are pointless. There are good and bad versions of all of those. Just don’t be locked in to one way of thinking on this issue.
In my area, the Cincinnati Public Schools have long been troubled— except for Walnut Hills High School and The School for Creative and Performing Arts. Parents across the metro area purposefully move so they can live in the areas those two schools draw from. Walnut Hills is considered one of the best schools in the entire United States. There are always exceptions.
Dan,
As I mentioned in a coment on your previous post, we met with our son’s teacher and principal this am. I mentioned homeschooling. The principal said that almost invariably when they take homeschooling students into school, there are large gaps in the child’s education. They are always behind. Recently, they took in a sixth grader who could recognize three sight words, and started him in fifth grade.
I told him that they were likely receiving the failures, rather than the successes. He stated that the stories of the Harvard student, the homeschooled doctor, etc., were the starts, the exceptions to the rule.
The subject of standardized testing came up. I stated that I understood why homeschoolers fight it so vehemently, but that it did work against the good of some children. I stated that I felt homeschooling did work best for some children.
I was, at first, surprised the principal had such a negative view. It was diametrically opposed to the hardcore homeschoolers. He admitted that he had devoted his life to public schooling, which showed where his priorities/values lie.
I still believe every child, every situation, is different. You look at your child, yourself, the school, and your options, and make a decision, year by year.
There is so much I agree with and disagree with here. You did a lot of unfair generalizing… but I’m too tired unload all my thoughts at the moment. I just want to comment that the “I’m a homeschooling mom of…” description that we homeschooling moms use, is not to ratchet ourselves up a notch! We give ourselves that title so that we can recognize each other, swap notes, and chat a bit… and maybe even get our kids together to combat the “socialization” issue. It nothing to do with competing against public school moms for the better mommy award! I think you’re thinking like a man. Men have titles to ratchet themselves up, while women have titles to find friends with similar interests. Oh wait, that’s generalizing. And generalizations are generally unfair….
Well, it took me a few days, but I finally finished my 2 mile long response to your series.
Feel free to send the tar & feather people after me, we’ll use the tar to fix the roof and use the feathers for a few new pillows. (Us homeschoolers are handy that way).
SDG,
Carla
Dan: “All I am saying is that blanket condemnations�are pointless. �There are always exceptions.”
Yes, there are always exceptions to every rule. For every “Walnut Hills”, there are dozens more that are godforsaken educational wrecks. Pity the parents who out of necessity must entrust their children to them. What shall they do? But, yes, it is a truism that blanket condemnations, as well as blanket recommendations, often miss the mark no matter what the subject is under consideration.
But I did notice that you don’t really tackle my two questions (see above) with any depth. But that’s okay. It’s your perogative to blog about those things you find interesting. So I will drop the matter, with just this one departing word: you are a delightful writer, and I alway enjoy reading Cerulean Sanctum.
Dan;
Liked your posting. I teach in a public school and have the blessing of being able to have my children in the same district I teach in. My eldest, in fact, had me last year, the closest I will ever get to homeschooling.
The public school is an excellent one, and I am blessed by knowing personally many of the teachers my children have. Some are believers, some not. Most function with integrity and a desire to do the best they can for their students. We can, but have not had to, avoid the others.
My wife and I are very much in a minority at our church. However, we have not had any problem with the homeschoolers, and several I count among my closest friends.
Our pastors, by God’s leading more than by their own design, have each done something different. One homeschools, one private schools, one public schools. All have successfully raised their children because, as you note in your posting, their primary concern was whether or not the children were growing up in the nurture and the admonitiion of the Lord, not who was teaching them.
In our small group at church, we had all three “factions.” And we functioned well together.
When we put our children into the local public school, the one pastor who had his children there also chuckled and told us we would have lots of interesting dinnertime conversations. We have continue to be deeply involved in our children’s lives, homework, friends. And we continue to pray with them, teach them, and encourage them.
In fact, we only had one problem when we took our two children out of private school and placed them in public school. One of the other private school parents rebuked us and used the word, ‘betrayal.’
Hind’s Feet,
My only comment about the “homeschooling mom of _____ kids” is if it’s only to identify likeminded people, why don’t you hear “quilting mom of ______ kids” or “beekeeping mom of _______ kids” at all? There’s something very different about the homeschooling tag, at least from what I’ve observed. I’ve noticed that if given a choice to limit a description, homeschoolers always choose the homeschooling tag over all other possible self-labels.
Just my observation.
To all the new readers:
I appreciate that all of you have come here. Feel free to hang out beyond this topic. We talk about a lot of interesting subjects here and the comments are always lively (as this one topic points out!)
Actually I do hear other tags like
“Stay-at-home mom” of _____kids, or “working mom” of ________kids. The one the media really seems to like is “single mom” of ______kids. Those are the 3 most common that come to mind immediately.
I was homeschooled for all 12 years, and am now in college, majoring in Computer Information Systems, and I think I came out pretty well
I took a couple weeks because I wanted to come up with a response to what you’ve said that didn’t sound off the cuff. I just posted a lengthy blog entry to my personal journal. I agree with a great deal of what you said, and would appreciate you taking a look at what I’ve written.
Thanks for being willing to write about this topic!
[...] A couple months ago I featured a series on homeschooling (1, 2, 3, 4) that many folks found interesting, even if it made some throw a wobbly. (That's for you British homeschoolers, all two of you!) In this post, I'd like to get a little more personal and perhaps help some folks calm their fears about homeschooling. [...]
[...] The Myths of Homeschooling - #4 (Conclusion) [...]
[...] I've noticed a change in comments because of this. More and more the comments sections of Christian blogs aren't filled with dissenters, but the people who always agree with whatever is posted. (While I realize I did get many dissenting comments on my Myths of Homeschooling series, I suspect that this is more the exception—because of the incendiary topic and its relative newness in the scope of the last fifty years—than the rule.) Truthfully, I wonder how that helps anyone. [...]
[...] Okay, so Marla Swoffer over at Always Thirsty posts her Retro vs. Metro analysis of the factions that comprise the Christian blogosphere. Controversial? Well, she may have topped even my myths of homeschooling and blogging might be a waste of time posts. Then she reopens a past swipe I took at some of the Retro folks, trying to drain further blood out of the blogging leviathan that is Tim Challies. [...]
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am one of those parents who chose to send her kids to public school. You have spoken rightly about the condemnation we receive from homeschoolers. It is awful. I am made to feel like a leper. I try to support homeschoolers. I have never been against that. But I don’t see the homeschoolers supporting me. You are right, they think they know what is best for my child. Was the public school perfect? No. Is homeschool perfect? No. Why do we beat people up for their choices? We did Catholic school for a while and liked that. Then we could no longer afford it, and it was public school for us, after praying about what we should do. There are so many fads in the Christian realm (I’m not talking about homeschool) and we make so many of them a test of fellowship. Why do we have to have such a lock-step mentality? There are many homeschooling moms that I admire, but they won’t fellowship with me. My children are grown now, so it is no longer an issue. But I feel I must grovel and say that I did wrong and that if I had it to do over, I would homeschool, and I wouldn’t. I think I made the right choice for my children.
Mary,
Sadly, I hear your story too often.