And They Laughed at Him

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It took Jerry 67 minutes exactly to drive the six miles between First Presbyterian Church and home. Sleet varnished roads and houses, the north wind tossed trees and powerlines, and the air filled with tinkling sounds of fracturing ice. Jerry passed three cars in ditches and none on the road save for Charlie’s tow truck. Even it didn’t look too surefooted.

The timing of this elders’ meeting could not have been worse. He should have called it off, but they’d been delaying their decision about the widow Petersen’s fire-damaged house for months now. The poor woman lost everything. Broke his heart to think about it. The husband returns to dust, then a couple weeks later, so does everything he left behind.

They agreed on a bake sale to raise the rest of the funds to repair the home. Afterwards, Jerry slipped a couple Franklins into the pot to keep the other elders’ Jacksons and Hamiltons company. He wrapped them in a Lincoln so no one would feel bad about their own generosity.

Pulling into the drive of his home, Jerry saw Meghan’s face appear from behind the curtained window. Her wide eyes spoke worry, and the tension added a decade to her 39 years. Even the way she let the drapes fall back into place felt anxious to him.

He took a breath and stepped out of the car. Ice crystals poured out of the sky and stung his face with needles of cold, as if to drive home the misery. Meghan flung upon the door and stood there, arms wrapped around herself, trying to keep all the pieces together.

“She’s worse,” she said, and the steam from her breath fell to the ground in the cold.

Jerry took three steps toward the ranch house before stamping his feet at the threshold. “How so,” he replied.

“One-oh-six,” his wife said. “I put her in a cold bath, but it did nothing.”

From across the room, his cousin Cecilia yelled through a cloud of Kool smoke, “What you be doin’ out when your daughter’s sick like that, Jer?” A doughy man next to her adjusted his Case International cap and nodded—T.J., the common-law husband.

Jerry said nothing.

Three people stood in the hall leading to Emma’s room. The one with the hollow face of an Egyptian mummy was his brother-in-law, Clint, who typically said nothing and who chose to stay typical as Jerry pushed past him—only to run into Barbara, all 340 Little Debbie pounds of her.

“What kind of father are you?” she said with tears in her eyes. “You shoulda got her to Bozeman yesterday. Now what?”

Jerry thought to come back with an explanation that neither he nor Meghan thought much of the fever then. Emma came home from school shagged out after cheerleading practice at the middle school. A regular thing. He didn’t have a Magic 8-Ball he consulted in times like these. How could he have known his only child’s fever would leave her teetering between life and death.

The third face in the hall was his neighbor, Sandi, pastor over at the Church of Christ across the street from First Presby. She stood all of five foot nothing and Jerry almost missed her behind Barbara. Sandi said three words no one wanted to hear: “I’m so sorry.”

Dear God, Jerry thought, was his little girl gone?

He sprinted now, only to hold up on entering the room. Ken from one street over, the man who delivered him in this same house 41 years ago, hovered over a small, ashen form that lay still, Meghan’s handmade quilt twisted tightly around her, the fabric stirring only with shallow breaths.

On seeing his daughter that way, Jerry swallowed hard and shut his eyes tight to hold in the tears. The next voice he heard was not Ken’s.

“We can’t get a life flight in here.”

Lars, the town’s sheriff.

“Heaven knows I’ve tried,” the lanky officer continued. “It’s the sleet, you know. Copters can’t fly in it. We might try Charlie, but by truck it would take a day to get to Bozeman in these conditions.”

Jerry stared at the doctor, but Ken just shook his gray head. Then, he felt a small hand on his back. Meghan slid around him and began to sob. “What are  we going to do?”

He looked from his wife’s wet face and caught the eyes of the others. Each face held the same question. Each looked to him for an answer.

At this, Jerry scanned the room, let his eyes dwell for a minute on the child he would die for, and made a decision. He backed away and pushed through group, breathing hard, trying to the clear the stench of mildew and ashes from his nose. That smell he’d encountered before at the bedsides of the elderly moments before they pierced the veil. That vile smell, come to rest in his daughter’s bedroom.

“Hon,” Meghan called after him, “where are you going? Stay with me. I need you.”

“There goes the hero,” Cecilia said from her chair, “off to save somebody else. Can’t save his own child for the life of him, though.”

Jerry didn’t look back. He already knew T.J. was nodding in agreement.

Outside, the sleet beat on his face, only it it seemed colder now and filled with venom. And though he swore he’d been inside for less than five minutes, Jerry paused before the car, horrified to see a quarter inch of ice obscuring the windshield.

He’d have to run.

It was a dozen blocks to the house, the one that realtor Barbara sold a few weeks ago. The men who lived there showed up in church one morning and Jerry swore he’d never heard more gossip about a group like that in his life. Everyone at First Presbyterian had an opinion. Jerry knew because he’d heard every one. Nothing good in any of it, either. At home, after the service, he thought he might have to soap out his ears.

But he couldn’t get the man who identified himself as Josh out of his mind. It wasn’t that Josh was all that much to look at. In fact, Jerry swore the man might have come from a Hollywood casting director’s cattle call for “Man #3” in some imaginary motion picture. Still, that Sunday Jerry couldn’t take his eyes off Josh. It seemed to him that this nondescript, 30-ish stranger knew a wonderful secret, and Jerry could almost see it on his face.

So he ran. He hurled himself through the yards between him and that tired house down by the old Northern line. He stumbled and pulled himself up each time because Emma needed him to do this. Because there was no other answer.

The lights in the place burned low. Jerry prayed that someone would answer. He had no other plan. This had to work.

He took the step leading up the porch wrong and felt his ankle go funny. He bit the side of his mouth and salt leached over his tongue. Grabbing for the railing, he pulled himself up and nearly fell into the door with his knocking.

And that face showed through the hoarfrost on the storm door. The face of the man who was his only hope.

At that moment, a warm wash of tears flow down Jerry’s cheeks and cooled on his chin.

“Listen,” he said through the storm door window, “I know you don’t know me well—”

The door opened wide and Josh stepped aside. “Come in,” he said. “Tell me how I can help.”

With those words, something in Jerry’s chest felt warm, as if something deep in him knew everything was going to work out, that he’d made the right decision. Jerry could almost see his Emma dancing in the school’s ballet program a week from today.

“My girl,” he spat before a different kind of tear flowed, “she’s awfully sick. And I know this is a lot to ask, but could you come and pray for her? I know that if you come and pray for her, she’ll be fine. I don’t know how I know that, but I do.”

Jerry hesitated to say anything more for fear that too many words might spoil the plea. He stared down into the man’s eyes, only to see Josh look away.

No, he thought. Would his only hope turn him away?

The smaller man motioned to three others in the room. The quartet gathered their coats. The tallest one, a dark man Jerry thought might be an Arab, said, “We don’t have a car. Did you drive?”

Jerry shook his head.

To this the four others nodded and drew their hoods around them tighter before plunging into the ice outdoors.

While Jerry ran, each foot crunching through the ice-coated grass, the others lagged. How could they, the church elder thought. But then the warmth in his chest flared and he caught himself slowing to draw alongside them.

The five walked ten minutes in silence. For that reason, they heard the sobbing coming from Jerry and Meghan’s place clearly.

That warmth that a moment ago buoyed his hopes turned chill in Jerry’s chest. Now he lagged. Now he was the one who could not keep up.

But he prayed—hard. Big prayers. Prayers that he knew rose up to heaven like incense, like the scent of the pines at Stone Lake Camp where he, Meghan, and Emma spent those wonderful fall days amid the fluorescent yellow of maples and aspen. He could feel the blaze of the hearth, and the thought of it warmed him.

He looked toward the door of his home, heard the crying inside, and sought refuge in the face of a man he barely knew. And that young man’s countenance told of every happy ending in every book Jerry had read at his daughter’s bedtime.

A breath later, the five entered the house.

“Them?” Cecilia said. “These bozos are your answer? Well, way to go, hero, because Emma’s dead.”

But Jerry did not feel the cold in the words. That smell of death and disorder was not in his nose. Even when Meghan buried her face in his chest and wet it with her tears, he only felt the warmth. He looked to Josh, and knew then the warmth came from the stranger who now seemed more like a friend he’d known from forever ago.

The faces of family and neighbors—Jerry could see their anger burn. He could hear their anguish. He walked to his daughter’s room and touched her dead face, then kissed it once. Josh put a hand on the taller man’s shoulder and said to the others, “You all act as if she’s passed on; she’s only sleeping.”

“‘Only sleeping,’ repeated Clint, the silent one. “You idiot, she’s dead! Can’t you tell dead when you see it?”

Jerry could hear Cecilia’s cackle join with her husband’s. Clint chuckled along with them. Even Sandi was smiling. Off to the side, Jerry caught Lars rolling his eyes. Ken scratched his head and went back to filling out an official-looking document.

Then Jerry saw something break on Josh’s face. The man’s eyes narrowed and he shot one finger out of the girl’s room.

“You all need to leave,” he said in a low, flat voice. “All of you, except the mother.” With his other hand, he pulled Meghan toward him and placed her at her husband’s side.”

“Jerry,” Clint said. “Seriously, dude, c’mon.” He stood there with his palms out and a grin on his thin lips.

“Do as the man says,” Jerry said. “Now.”

The sound of muttering. Nasty words that family should never speak, even when alone. But Jerry didn’t care. Not now.

And when the house was empty save for a tired church elder and his wife, and four men huddled around a dead little girl’s bedside, something incredible happened that the town still talks of today. Something most would never think possible. Something found only in the hearts and minds of six people who knew a wonderful secret.

***

It sounds different in a modern setting, doesn’t it? Yet a couple realities still hold true: some laugh and some have faith.

And when [Jesus] had entered, he said to them, “Why are you making a commotion and weeping? The child is not dead but sleeping.” And they laughed at him. But he put them all outside and took the child’s father and mother and those who were with him and went in where the child was.
—Mark 5:39-40

God help us if we claim to have faith but are laughing on the inside. If we look deep into our own hearts,  I believe more of us might find ourselves among the scoffers than the faithful. Tragically, there’s only one place for faithless people like that. And those on the outside are never permitted to witness the miracles, never allowed to taint the work of God with their unbelief. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

It’s time to believe, folks, because we’re going to need a lot of miracles soon enough.

Soul Man, Spirit Man – Part 2

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Too much of what passes for Christianity in the West is not of the Spirit but of the soul. It’s the Christianity of dynamic personalities, brilliant thinkers, assertive leaders, and so on. But little of it is of the Spirit of God. If you read my previous post on this issue, you’ll know what I mean

One of my favorite authors is Watchman Nee. He provides a uniquely Asian perspective untainted by Greek thinking. For that reason, he comes out of left field for many Evangelicals ill-equipped to process his writings. I think the following, from Nee’s The Release of the Spirit can be understood by anyone, though:

How do you react to this message today that your outward man seriously interferes with God and must be broken by Him? If you can begin talking about it freely and easily, it surely has not touched you. If, on the other hand, you are enlightened by it, you will say, “0 Lord, today I begin to know myself. Until now I have not recognized my outward man.” And as the light of God surrounds you, uncovering your outward man, you fall to the ground, no longer able to stand. Instantly you “see” what you are.

Once you said you loved the Lord, but under God’s light you find it is not so-you really love yourself. This light really divides you and sets you apart. You are inwardly separated, not by your mentality, nor by mere teaching, but by God’s light. Once you said you were zealous for the Lord, but now the light of God shows you that your zeal was entirely stirred by your own flesh and blood. You thought you loved sinners while preaching the gospel, but now the light has come, and you discover that your preaching the gospel stems mainly from your love of action, your delight in speaking, your natural inclination. The deeper this divine light shines, the more the intent and thought of your heart is revealed. Once you assumed that your thoughts and intents were of the Lord, but in this piercing light you know they are entirely of yourself. Such light brings you down before God.

Too often what we supposed was of the Lord proves to be of ourselves. Though we had proclaimed that our messages were given by the Lord, now the light of heaven compels us to confess that the Lord has not spoken to us, or, if He has, how little He has said. How much of the Lord’s work, so-called, turns out to be carnal activities! This unveiling of the real nature of things enlightens us to the true knowledge of what is of ourselves and what is of the Lord, how much is from the soul and how much is from the spirit. How wonderful if we can announce: His light has shone; our spirit and soul are divided, and the thoughts and intents of our heart are discerned.

You who have experienced this know it is beyond mere teaching. All efforts to distinguish what is of self and what is of the Lord, to separate what things are of the outward man from what are of the inward man—even to the extent of listing them item by item and then memorizing them— have proved to be so much wasted effort. You continue to behave just as usual, for you cannot get rid of your outward man. You may be able to condemn the flesh, you may be proud that you can identify such and such as belonging to the flesh, but you still are not delivered from it.

Deliverance comes from the light of God. When that light shines, you immediately see how superficial and fleshly has been your denial of the flesh, how natural has been your criticism of the natural. But now the Lord has laid bare to your eyes the thoughts and intents of your heart. You fall prostrate before Him and say: “O Lord! Now I know these things are really from my outward man. Only this light can really divide my outward from my inner.”

So it is that even our denial of the outward man, and our determination to reject it, will not help. Yes, even the very confession of our sin is for naught, and our tears of repentance need to be washed in the blood. How foolish to imagine that we could expose our sin! Only in His Light shall we “see” and be exposed. It must be His work by the Spirit, not our efforts of the soul—that is, not out of our own mind. This is God’s only way.

That so few Americans (or Westerners, in general) get to that stage of brokenness is one of the tragedies of contemporary Christianity.

Why do we run away from from the kind of brokenness that allows us to stop operating out of our soulish man and operate our of our spiritual man instead? A few causes come to mind:

We are too dedicated to making money and not so interested in growing in Christ. Yet to be spiritually mature, we cannot serve both God and mammon.

We love our way rather than God’s way because God’s way may ask more 'wasteland ii' © 2005 Jonathan Day-Reiner / groundglass.caof us than we care to surrender.

We don’t believe the Bible when it says that the life of the spirit trumps the life of the self.

We are too busy with foolish, perishing things.

We hate silence because the Lord may speak to us in a whisper and reveal how meager we truly are.

We don’t believe that the Body of Christ is necessary, that we need our brothers and sisters in Christ just as the eye, hand, and heart need each other. We would rather be unmovable, unteachable, self-sufficient islands.

We love our religiosity, even if it takes us away from God and leads us away from brokenness rather than toward it.

We treat the Holy Spirit as an optional, impersonal force rather than as a necessary, fully-vested person within the Trinity who differentiates the Church from the rest of the world’s religions.

We are unwilling to lead a life that depends on the Spirit of God for each second of our existence because such a life feels “risky.”

We fundamentally don’t believe God is real, that His promises are true, and that He offers a better way.

So we love our souls but not our spirits. Therefore, we live a sort of half-born-again life.

The cry of each man and woman’s heart must be “Lord God, break me down so that the light of Christ’s Spirit shines through me like a beacon. Not my will, but yours be done. Not my soulish effort, but the work of your Spirit. Let me be led by the Spirit at the cost of everything else in my life.”

May that be our prayer at all times.

I look around I see a Church in the West led by soulish people and not spiritual people. People who don’t know the voice of the Lord through the Spirit. People who are adrift for that reason, making it up as they go along, relying on their personalities and talents to minister. People who are destined to fail for that reason.

What breaks my heart is that there are so many of us.

Thoughts for a Rainy September Friday

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It’s one of those soggy days in southern Ohio that presages autumn. It’s also one of those days where my mind reels from a whirlwind of small thoughts, many inspired by the political season now upon us. So consider today a showcase. Maybe one of these will grow up and become a bigger post someday.

  • I’ve been thinking a lot about silence. (I guess if you perceive silence as a friend, you HAVE the ability to think.) If “Be still and know that I am God” is one of the hallmark verses of the Old Testament, what does it say about our ability to know God that we fill our days with noise and a blur of activity? I find it strange that I know adults, not children, who confess that they can’t sit in silence for a half hour without squirming and whining about it.
  • One other verse that strikes me as unknown in America 2008 is “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” If we treat fellow Christians who disagree with us like the spawn of hell, how is it possible that any of us could muster even a mustard seed of love for our genuine enemies? And why is it that we are so quick to disagree angrily yet so slow to pray for opponents? Notice, too, that I use the word opponents. It’s a long road from opponents to enemies. Someone please invite me to the next prayer meeting wherein Christians spend an hour praying for their enemies. I sadly suspect I’ll need a very expensive plane ticket to get there.
  • If Jesus is the Prince of Peace, why is it that American Evangelicals seem to have no concept of what it means to practice peace or work as ambassadors on behalf of it? Time and again, it seems to me that Evangelicals who discuss political issues are quick to include that they are “for the war effort,” yet NEVER, EVER say they are “for the peace effort.” Does a peace effort even exist in American churches outside of dead, liberal mainline denominations and a handful of Quakers?
  • Every year, the comment that “America is a Christian nation” loses more of its cachet. Consider that four people out of five in this country self-label as Christians and then ask a critical question: What would our nation look and act like if those four out of five were replaced by Christians from Palestine circa 70 AD? Am I the only one believes the difference in practice and influence would be a startling one?
  • What is the goal of an education? For much of the history of our country it was to create adults with a high, lasting understanding of civic responsibility. In that, education was never viewed as self-serving, but as a necessary means to strengthen society and the body politic. Now it’s viewed as only a pathway to greater amounts of personal income. Is it any wonder then that our nation is in trouble economically, socially, morally, and spiritually? When George Barna polls Evangelicals and finds that a greater percentage are worried about getting their kids into a prestigious college than ensuring they know Christ, then the wheels have not only fallen off the last vestiges of Christian education in this country, but the entire vehicle has burst into hellish flames.
  • It’s bizarre to me that people seem to be baffled by the denominational affiliation of Sarah Palin. Since when were the Assemblies of God considered to be a fringe group? This is what happens when all your political pundits are lapsed Episcopalians or Presbyterians-in-name-only.
  • An independent is running in the 2nd Congressional District in Ohio, my district. This has long been considered one of the most Republican districts in the entire country. Republican candidates have in the past won this district with nearly 80 percent of the vote. This has not been the case recently as the GOP has consistently let conservative voters down. In fact, when a real alternative was offered to the GOP incumbent now in office, game-playing by party reptiles snuffed out his candidacy. This is just part of the reason why I will be voting for David Krikorian (I). I think many other people will be voting for him also. That an independent has received the endorsement of the Cincinnati Fraternal Order of Police is astonishing to me in these days of party politics. The irony is that the GOP alternative candidate who was torpedoed by the GOP bigwigs in town had consistently garnered the Cincy FOP’s endorsement in the past in the local offices he held.
  • More than anything else politically, I long to see genuine orators and statesmen return to lead our country in the days ahead. I believe they will not be these men and women of privilege, these millionaires we keep electing, but average Joes and Janes of principle and conviction. Those people are out there. We just need to stop voting for the ones who keep them down. I think that every Christian in America needs to stop supporting parties and start support worthy candidates. If that means abandoning long-held party affiliations, then we must. Character counts, and too many people in office today are sorely lacking it.

With the local forecast for the next five days filled with clouds and rain, I suspect that I’ll be doing more thinking in the days to come.

What are you thinking?